A Brief, Boring(?) Update!

editimg_0063Supplements taken today: Samento; Probiotic (90 billion count / 6+ strains); FemOne; Pro-Omega Fish Oil; Vitamin D3; CBD oil; Monolaurin; Adren-All; turmeric and curcumin blend; Quercetin; CoQ10; Serrapeptase

Meals: Breakfast– Homemade Greek yogurt smoothie with chia seeds, ground flax, homemade hemp milk, pineapple, banana, cranberries, cinnamon, honey, and kale (it was better than it probably sounds!)

Lunch– Cauliflower “mac & cheese” (cold outside = comfort food!), Echinacea tea

Dinner– pending

It’s been awhile, and as you can see, my regimen has changed somewhat. I’m taking a break from the essential oil veggie cap because I found out that oregano oil is hard on the liver, and I also cut out the thyroid pill (indefinitely) because my resting heart rate is ridiculously fast (100-120 bpm!), and I was worried it would increase the risk of heart failure. I was able to talk my local doctor into letting me do the Igenex Western Blot at the end of October, and another band showed up on the test– 39, which is Lyme specific. The doctor I was seeing here has since moved out of Texas, but I have been able to make an appointment with an LLMD (Lyme-literate doctor) who has much, much more experience. She’s over four hours away by car, but I am looking forward to getting help with my treatment plan. My hero husband is going to drive me there.

My parents, through their research, found something called Samento that many people seem to have used successfully to get the disease into remission (for those who don’t know, chronic Lyme isn’t curable– the goal is to get it to the point where your immune system can manage it on its own). They are generously buying the drops online for me. I started with one drop and it immediately made me dizzy. It’s powerful stuff; supposedly it knows to go after the bad bacteria and leaves the good bacteria alone. I’m up to twenty-one drops now and I can tell that it’s working. I feel like I have a mild cold all the time and it seems very much like I’m constantly shedding the bugs. It’s taken me weeks to get to the current dose; the goal is thirty drops. The bacteria fight back with every single drop I add!

After coming home from my lower stress job at the library one day and falling asleep in the car in the garage (thank goodness I turned the engine off before that happened), I realized I had gotten to the point where I couldn’t safely make it to and from work anymore, so my last day was November 30th. It’s scary to be completely reliant on others, especially in the current political climate. I am chronically ill, female, and a poet. I haven’t told most people I am sick. I am worried that many people, particularly in this area, will view my life as valueless. I am really frustrated at how little I can do right now. My brain is muck most of the time; everything takes me inordinate amounts of time to get done; I forget things nearly as soon as I hear them. Last week, I went to Natural Grocers (fifteen minutes from my house– not a hard drive, considering we live outside of city limits). I stood in the produce section for a good twenty minutes looking from my shopping list to the racks of kale and beets and things, completely disoriented. It was as if my brain couldn’t make the connection between what was on the list, what was in front of me, and where I was standing. I finally put some garlic in a bag just so I wouldn’t look crazy!

I have also gotten nothing but rejections for my poetry in several months; I’m unsure if this is a cruel coincidence, or if it’s because my mind is such garbage right now. Writing anything is difficult. That’s one reason I haven’t been updating this blog, though I originally intended to do so at least once a week. I do have a  new book of poetry coming out next week– a good book, I think, borne from my grad school creative thesis. I don’t have the energy to promote it, but I’m trying to plan events in a few months when I might feel stronger.

In the meantime, I am home and my body is grateful. I am doing yoga and making my own foods (cheese, yogurt, pickles, granola, almond milk, tortillas, and every number of good things).

Patience. The same as with training a horse. Nothing is personal. It’s all just patience. I know enough to believe that what I’m doing will work in the end.